Don't get us wrong, we love you. We just feel that an attitude adjustment is needed...on YOUR part.
You see, we think you guys are kinda being jerks. You would think that after months of lovingly watching you (that's right, LOVINGLY WATCHING, not stalking), getting to know you and your habits, and providing food for you, you would let us get close enough to cuddle you, or - at the very least - let us leave the house to go to campus without making us feel like we're monsters for waking you up from your morning naps. We can't even move around in our own apartment without worrying about disturbing you, because you can see us through the windows and that "startles" you. Ridiculous.
I mean, have we done ANYTHING to make you believe we're going to harm you? We feed you at least twice a day during the week, and EVERY TIME you deign to grace us with your presence on the weekends. We include food for YOU on our shopping list, and make special trips to the store for YOU. Yet, you continue to act like we're trying to catch you and eat you. And it's getting WORSE. For a while there, it really felt like we were making progress, but now it seems like this whole relationship is moving backwards.
Don't play stupid with us. WE KNOW that YOU KNOW that we are the ones providing you with all those yummy treats. Sure, you play stupid now, but we all know that there was a time when we could just shake a bag of goodies, and all of you would just come trotting over the creek on that fallen tree to get your fill.
Now, you think its okay to make us wait around like a couple of schmucks with a giant sack of yummies in the freezing cold, while you hang out in a group and laugh at us? Not cool. You're making us feel like that deer you were bullying back in October:
At the time, we felt bad for that poor deer, but we never thought that you would ostracize us that way. Now we know better. You don't even care, do you?
Is this about the zucchini? Did you not like it? We noticed that you seem willing to eat pine needles and roots, but you are actively rejecting the bell peppers. What's up with that?
Also, what's up with this whole, "we will only eat off of the first two stairs to the apartment, but ignore anything from the third stair on" thing? We know you can reach the food on the third step - you're just leaving it there to insult us, aren't you?
So what if Lane is trying to get you to come closer to our door? So what if we're doing this in an effort to lure you into our home? Are you telling us that you prefer to stay out in the cold? That you WANT to sleep in the snow? That you WANT to eat bark? That you would rather stay outside in the freezing weather with the coyotes and coy-dogs than let us spend a little quality time with you in our AWESOME apartment? We would fill our bathtub with food for you, if you wanted us to, do you hear us? OUR BATHTUB.
We're not asking for much, maybe just a little more give in addition to your take. Is that too much to ask, given our history? Remember the good times? Remember that time you came right up to our porch? Remember how we were all friends? Maybe this will jog your memory:
Just think about it. Please?
Your friends forever (or at least until we move in May),
The Puppy and the Penguin
P.S. We know you can be sweet - we saw you cleaning snow off baby.
P.P.S. And do you really want to stay out in this?!
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